Saturday, December 31, 2005
Help
For my last year's birthday, my dear Uncle Dean gave me a book. Rules for Aging, a collection of essays, was penned by Roger Rosenblatt, a PBS favorite and winner of several prestigious literary awards. Now I'll be honest: Upon first glance, I eyed the thing w/ suspicion. Why? "One of USA Today's Best Self-Help Books of the Year" printed in wow-font on the cover. I rarely do self-help, notable exceptions being this and this and select others--always recommendations from loved ones who know me. Anyhow, along w/ the iffy book, I was handed an assignment: Read through and report back. Days, weeks, months passed, the slim volume collecting dust in one of several subletted bookcases. Why bother, when I had this and this and this to crack?
I eventually bothered--during my flight home a few days back. Deaner, I've got to hand it to you; you've done me good. Thanks. And in the case that your eyes are here, these are my favored picks:
(1) It doesn't matter
Whatever you think matters--doesn't. Follow this rule, and it will add decades to your life. It does not matter if you are late, or early; if you are here, or if you are there; if you said it, or did not say it; if you were clever, or if you were stupid; if you are having a bad hair day, or a no hair day; if your boss looks at you cockeyed; if your girlfriend or boyfriend looks at you cockeyed; if you are cockeyed; if you don't get that promotion, or prize, or house, or if you do. It doesn't matter.
(2) Nobody is thinking about you
Yes, I know, you are certain that your friends are becoming your enemies; that your grocer, garbage-man, clergyman, sister-in-law, and your dog are all of the opinion that you have put on weight, that you have lost your touch, that you have lost your mind; furthermore, you are convinced that everyone spends two-thirds of every day commenting on your disintegration, denigrating your work, plotting your assassination. I promise you: Nobody is thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves--just like you.
(26) Do not keep company with people who speak of careers
Not only are such people uninteresting in themselves; they also have no interest in anything interesting. They often form cliques, putatively for social pleasure, actually for self-advancement and self-protection. Sometimes these tight little gatherings have the semblance of shared affection, but they are based on the idea that each of its members is valuable according to what he or she has achieved, is achieving, and what he or she can do for the other members. Keep company with people who are interested in the world outside themselves. The one who never asks you what you are working on; who never inquires as to the success of your latest project; who never uses the word career as a noun--he is your friend.
And, D, I concur:
(40) A long and happy life lasts five minutes
One would think that this rule would go without stating, but many people actually believe that a long life of uninterrupted happiness is a real possibility. And they act on this belief! They change families, careers, the structure of their faces, countries, everything, for no more substantial reason than they recall five minutes of uninterrupted happiness in the past, and now they wish to re-create the moment in perpetuity. They even convince themselves that the five-minute period they recall was really five years and giddily substitute the exception (bliss) for the rule (confusion, doubt, misery, fear, confusion, and confusion). Happiness is wonderful, but if you have had more than five consecutive minutes of it, it means you weren't thinking.
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Now there's some cool philosophies to take into 2006 and beyond. It doesn't matter? *gasp* But oh, yeah, that's so true and freeing. Thanks for the tips...another book to chase down.
I'm learning that happiness = non-attachment and present moment attention. (Tricky tricky though!)
Happy New Year, K!
i enjoy #26, having been unemployed for my entire adult life :)