Friday, August 26, 2005
No-win
Frustrating: I've been at this job (open-ended temp assignment) for almost a month now, and it's just not doing it. I mean, I really had no choice but to take it--the whole $-thing and all--but damn if I'm not having a time of it. I struggle to find adequate motivation most days, yet end up feeling like crap when I let the occasional ball drop (most recent drop: this a.m. when I was reminded about a semi-important doc I forgot to collect sigs on before faxing to payroll). Seriously, I feel really bad about this, yet apparently not bad enough to get my butt in gear and focus more closely on my responsibilities. No, instead I choose to search PubMed for RW inspiration, site-hop, email... Arg.
Positions like mine irk me. Taking phone calls, opening mail, FedEx'ing packages, making restaurant reservations, etc., etc., etc. for people who matter, for people viewed as more than mere numbers, makes me a bit bitter, I'll be honest. I have my own interests/cares, and they extend beyond serving others' handsomely paid careers, however much these others need the help. I know I sound like a hopeless complainer, and I'm also aware of the vast number of jobs far, far worse and worthier of complaint than mine, but man will I be relieved when I finally enter the editorial world. Of course, if I end up an editorial asst to start, that'll require the same brand of work I'm doing now, but at least the potential for (desirable) future work'll be there. It's not here.
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K: It's not just you with these feelings, and it certianly isn't a product of your self-described lowly position. What about all those people in your office whom you deem to be the ones who matter? Don't you know they're in their offices looking at e-bay, shopping for clothes, reading blogs, looking at porn, etc. while wondering what the purpose of their life is? Except for some highly dedicated people, most of us are shirkers when it comes to our jobs except when it really matters. That is why over half of the Fortune 500 companies utilize some sort of Internet spyware to check on the Internet usage of its employees. It's an epidemic.
I'm an attorney and handle major medical malpractice cases. I like my job and I do it well for the most part. Yet a lot of days, my mind drfits off to the book I should be writing, the band I should have started, the restaurant I'd like to run in Costa Rica, the marathon I've been thinking about for years, etc. We all dream of more than what we currently do to earn a living, even if our jobs are pretty good. And we all have trouble finding motivation on a consistent basis.
You know what I like about you? You actually are attempting to do what you want to do in life. That should carry you through the dues-paying part of your career.
Mikey
This is very interesting site... » »